Remorse
by Irrelevancy
Summary: I regret saying those words to you. Remorse fills me at the waiting room. But it didn't matter. It never did. You were gone. Ch Death. Sakura's POV


**A/N: My first CCS ficcy~**

**I've always thought that my first CCS will be about TouYuki**

**but no**

**this is kinda... dark**

**Inspired by another fic**

**Sakura is totally OOC**

**but well, adolescent. What it does to you...**

**please read and review!!  
**

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"Sakura…?" Touya nii-san's voice came from the kitchen doorway. It was too dark to see anything. The blackout still stood.

Why is he here? I can't… I can't let him see me like this…

I quickly wipe away the tear streaks on my cheeks, then called out in a cheerful tone, "Tadaima, nii-san."

"What's wrong?" he asks quietly. I freeze halfway through pulling off a shoe. I grimaced, biting my bottom lip, quickly pulling off both shoes and stepping inside.

"No… nothing. I'm going to go… upstairs now," I say, smile on my face. It's fake. He can't see it. But it helped; helped with the disguise.

"Was it that gaki?"

My heart skips a beat. Of course. Nii-san knew. He always knew. Even without the magic he gave to Yue, he knows.

I didn't answer, but instead proceed to climb the stairs.

"Sakura." Not an outburst, not a question. A simple statement.

"Nii-san…" I whisper. For that second, I considered it. I considered telling him all that happened tonight. I mean, he's family, right? I can believe him, right?

"…Oyasumi."

"Sakura…!" His voice was louder now, and I hurried to get up the stairs before he followed. But of course, his long strides caught up with me in no time. I felt his strong, large, warm grip on my left wrist. It was so unlike his… small, cold… hesitant. That almost got me. But I don't want to turn. I don't want nii-san to see me like this; crying, small, pathetic.

So instead I turned, furious.

"You were supposed to protect me!" I scream. I could feel him stop dead in his tracks. I had hit the spot.

"You're my brother! You should've protected me! You should've kept him away! You should've known!" I continue to yell, shaking my hand loose from his paralyzed grip. "Touya! This is all your fault!"

It was the first time I've used his name in his face like that… Tears wouldn't stop flowing. Neither would the words. I continued to scream, blaming all the faults… all the faults in my teenage life on him.

But of course. This was all his fault. If he had stopped me when he first asked me out, I wouldn't be in this mess, right?

"TOUYA!" I sob, closing my eyes and biting my lower lip. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! SO LEAVE ME ALONE!"

With that, I turned around and continued stomping up the steps. Except…

His hand was on my wrist again.

I was mad. Really mad. Extremely… exhaustingly furious. Everything was wrong. Nothing was right. The brother that had sworn to protect me… What has he been doing? He never gave a damn about my life! Too busy getting it on with his precious boyfriend, Yuki!

"Go find Yukito or something. Leave me alone."

I didn't yell those words. I didn't scream them. They were simple sentences. But it was enough to make that hand freeze again.

I shook it off, pushing one hand back, to make sure he doesn't hold me back once more.

That was the biggest mistake of my life.

I turned at the sharp intake of breath behind me. It wasn't only that. I somehow knew. I knew what was going to happen when the tips of my fingers made contact with the cloth on his chest.

Wool. Rough. A distinct feel. The sweater I had made him 2 years ago. Horribly stitched. Ugly colors.

He still has it.

I turned just as those hall lights flickered on, catching a glimpse of his surprised expression.

There was something else.

Guilty streams of tears ran down his cheeks from the corners of his eyes.

It was the first time I've ever seen him cry. It was only a split second, but that image was forever imprinted in my mind.

So was the smile that came next.

It wasn't his usual taunting smirk with affection behind his eyes. It wasn't the comforting smile he's shown me before on some circumstances, ever since father's death.

This one… it was filled with agony. A painful smile. It said everything that needed to be said.

_Gomen ne, Sakura._

It was hard. I don't know what happened next. I only remember… remember that usually daunting, tall form lay crumpled and broken at the bottom of the stairs.

Blood. I remember that. A puddle spread from behind his back, staining the sweater and his dark hair. His hands lay at awkward angles, as did his legs.

But then…

On his face. On his face was a painful expression. Remorse… regret… It was all so obvious. It was the first time that I had seen his face for some time. There were some things I never noticed before.

Lines. Worry and frown lines etched his handsome face. His familiar face. Pain and fatigue delineated every one. It was the first time I had realized that.

I've never noticed this before… It was a shaky thought. I've been living with my brother for all these years, and… and I've never noticed how mature he had to be to take care of me.

Take care of me. Of course. He'd always been with me… Since the start of my problems; he was there every time. He was there to listen to me complain, yell, and then sob into his shirt. It was somehow like tonight. Except…

Except I've never lashed out at him like that. It has never occurred to me that I actually blamed him for his. I didn't. I don't.

Of course, I don't.

Tears flow endlessly down my cheeks. I make no attempts to stop them. I stared until the harsh heaving of my brother's chest slowed, then stopped all together. I watched as the puddle reached over the edge of the upraised steps, dripping down onto the polished faux wood underneath.

Then I scream.

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**A/N: So... how was that?**

**Does that particularly count as a Sakura-bashing?**

**I don't think so...**

**I mean... I like her plenty well... I just needed a victim for this**

**Well, two actually**

**And so... yup**

**Please R&R!!  
**


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